anxiety,  Geekery

On going to a Convention by myself

I have done something for the first time. I have booked to go to a convention on my own.
Of course now I am a little bit terrified, but I did expect it.
The con in question is Bristol Con and I understand it isn’t a huge one but I am fearful and excited in equal measure.
My main motivation of going is to see Emma Newman talking about stuff. But that is only part of the day. There are hours where I’m not sure where I’ll be going or what I’ll be doing and I won’t have a friend to keep my spirits up. I know I will enjoy myself but the shyness I feel or the overwhelmedness I experience in new places on my own will be quite the battle royale.
In order to give myself the illusion of control I will be all over the programme like a rash when it is published. I will read inwardly digest and then plan my sessions like a german train timetable. I will no doubt invoke the power of the spreadsheet and then I will feel like I have control.
The biggest fear is talking to people. Once you know me you cannot shut me up but I need to feel safe in order to be me. Nineworlds with its clips for please talk to me I’m shy were great but at this event there won’t be any and I’ll have to try and save sanity chips in order to not be a complete doofus. I am incapable of small talk, even the phrase makes me tense.
The other worry I have is that large rooms full of people talking is one of the hardest environments for me to cope with. I’m not sure if I’m going a bit deaf, or whether I just struggle filtering out the wrong noise, but there are times in loud rooms where I rely on being able to see people’s mouths move at the same time as they are talking.
I will be there though, and I will love it and you are going too say hi and wave because its nice meeting fellow geeks.

Jane Hanmer

Born in deepest darkest Shropshire. Currently living in Durrey. A reader of books, a watcher of theatre and film, a player of board games. Intersectional Feminist Pronouns: She/her

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